I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
