You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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