Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
