My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
