covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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