I wish I only lived at night.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
