farters have to be the big spoon...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
