if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize