I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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