One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the condom got lost in my hair
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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