god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
