Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
