I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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