I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
