this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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