new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
