and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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