I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
