i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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