I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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