Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
