Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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