her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
