I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize