I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
