"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
