did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
