I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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