well I can't set my house on fire every night
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
