Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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