The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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