I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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