i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
