I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
the raccoons are back...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
