I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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