The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
