Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Your dad touched me again.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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