So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Your penis caused this!
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