what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
