I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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