Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
