cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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