listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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