Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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