i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Randomize
