Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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