Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my being single is dangerous.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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