I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
