i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
