I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
