Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
