Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
