We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
