my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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