I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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