I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
