Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
