Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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