I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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