can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
