Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
