Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
