fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
