i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
