Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.