My sheets look like a crime scene.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So squirting runs in the family.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.