GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
