i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.