allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
