dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
