I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
